ok... i discovered why i have been feeling out of sorts for the past few weeks... (here i go all emo again...)

i feel like i'm studying for the sake of studying.. when instead i am suppose to study for myself.. sighz... i mean.. i like studying and all... but i hate exams... not many do...

i know in this world... no one is perfect... there ought to be some people above you and some others below you... but in this society we're living in... i can't catch up... i'm just losing steam with each paper i take... as hard as i try... i just can't do it... the results return and i can only either cry over spilt milk... or pick myself up and try to move on.. but i tell you honestly... each time my results come back.. i get more and more demoralised... the more i believe i can't do it... the more i lose faith in myself... the more i just wanna give up..

i know i can't.. but that's how i feel... why study when i'm so forced to do so? i wish i could do things at my own pace... enjoy life while i'm still young.. but thanks to this world.. i can't... i know i'm not alone.. there are many others who share the same sentiments...

look.. they spilt us into streams... ever since primary school... thinking that we different individuals require different amount of time to grasp what we are about to learn... yeah.. i don't disagree to that.. but is that really true?... so what if we're one of the better few of the cohort? i still feel 2 years are insufficient... either that or i'm just plain stupid... other people around me are doing so much better...

i've reached the stage whereby my brain has a huge hole.. where everything is just flying out... not even filtered out...

maybe it's my self-esteem...

maybe it's just the facts i need to face...


i wish i were smarter and more capable... i really do...

i still can't accept the fact that i only pass ONE out of four subjects... what a loser...